When Sassy Is Ornery

The German Shepherd on the right could be Sassy Susan, though she shows her Red Healer heritage with reddish fur on her lower half.

One reader called Sassy "the family's cyber-pet", so I decided to write about her ornery displays, which are hilarious.

One is her evening lovies, when she wants to be petted and adored by both of us. Normally she moves from the foot of the bed to us for that. But sometimes she refuses. I loudly say, "OK Sassy, I will have to draaaaaaag you!"

She responds, startled, and digs into the bedding. My dragging is a gentle tug for 1/4 inch. She acts quite alarmed.

Then I say, "Move. Move." That is a command she almost always obeys. She gets up with a smile and expects both of us to pet her and talk about the things she has done.

She is always managing me, and she has grown in skill. I like to walk her around the cul-de-sac before car trip. She gets some exercise, some sniffing time, and the rest. We go on errands. If I say "Walmart," she licks her lips for McDonalds. She loves Lowe's for the way the staff fusses over her.

Although we start with a walk, we return with a bonus. Sassy gets out of the car, sits down on the driveway, her back facing the house, and looks around like a pouting teen. She wants a second walk. No, she expects a second walk. Sometimes I laugh and take her around again.

Sassy would not pose with the Ronald McDonald statue,
so she responded by grinning and making peace with me.
A nearby customer took the family picture for me. I cannot find the photo right now, but relax, the NSA has a copy.

 I dialed 1-800-NSA-HELP and got my photo from 2014.
They were tracking Ronald McDonald photos.

Sassy does the same about waiting for Ranger Bob to come out of his house or for Mrs. Gardener's granddaughter to stop and pet her. Sassy has a way of sitting awkwardly, not in her alert pose, and making it clear it is a non-negotiable demand.

Sassy blocks a brother and sister from walking to school. They have to stop and pet her first.

Every dog trains its owner to pay up in treats for coming inside. Sassy escalated expectations gradually so I would not rebel against being snookered. I retaliated by buying training treats, which are quite small compared to regular dog treats. Here are her stages in training me:

1. Sassy walks in from outdoors and looks sternly at me, freezing in place in the kitchen, until she is promised a treat.
2. Sassy goes to the bedroom when I promise a treat but turns around to check if I have the bag. This makes me laugh every time.
3. Sassy comes in and sees the treat bag in my hand, but I have to be opening it before she moves toward the bedroom. Then she grins and trots toward "her" bed.

Sassy has a lot of tricks that make me laugh, especially pawing the air in imitation of the times she got attention by scratching the antique table. She awkwardly raises it up to the imaginary table, which is in another room, and looks for my response. Then we share the joke together as I ask her what her butler can do for her.

She wants us to discover the reason for her lamentations when she is hinting for Frosty Paws. Mrs. Ichabod and I go back and forth wondering what it could possibly be. Then my wife says, "Frosty Paws?" Sassy moans, growls, and barks, "Yip. Yip. Yip." We exchange more nonsense and I go to get her evening dose - one teaspoon of ice cream.