Sassy Tales

Sassy enjoys company. She is a great guest and host.

Sassy had a sleep-over with Army Ranger Bob this week. They were back early (for him) on Monday morning. She must have enjoyed her stay, because she almost went back with him. Everyone loves Sassy, except Tiny, the ferocious Chihuahua who guards the Four Esses.

 Tiny has this reaction when Sassy warns him to stop being so cute with me. They made enough noise to wake the neighborhood.

We have had some cold mornings, but John and Patricia come out in the cold to see Sassy. The big question is whether Sassy will love up husband, wife, or neither. It is easy to see that Sassy is playing with them, so they laugh at her stubborn coldness. A burst of laughter prompts Sassy to bestow her gentle kisses, always listening for a reaction.

 German road-block. Sassy gets attention by filling the passageway with her stretched-out body. Kitchen? Why not stretch out in front of the fridge? Dominating the space is a win, all by itself.

Coffee is magical for Sassy. She has made pour-over coffee time her chance to request some Johnsonville brat slices. This began with my shocked look when she was in the kitchen before the sun was up. Now she quickly changes her expression from hopeful to big, self-satisfied, and smiley. If she is sleepy, the smile takes a few more dramatic gestures and backward hops.

Sassy understands that I want fresh, hot coffee before we walk. She has ways to motivate me and to show her impatience:

1. The paw against my leg - the lightest touch tells me she is present and ready to walk, at my convenience. She may murmur a little.
2. A gentle swap means it is time, but she will wait a bit.
3. The command-demand cycle begins with dragging a paw across my kneecap. (Once it was my fragile and sensitive stomach, and she laughed at the result.) People should consider a dog's ability to smile, laugh, scowl, pout - they are masters of management.
4. If the first kneecap scrape is ineffective, the next one is a double with more force and a definite, impatient scowl.
5. Christina was awake and watching when I said, "Wait for the triple scrape."
6. I closed my eyes and became still. Sassy delivered the final warning, DEFCON 1 THIS IS NOT A DRILL! - three forceful kneecap scrapes and a furious look. I burst out laughing, which only proved that I am malleable. Sassy and I left soon after for the walk.

Sassy the Visitor

On morning walks, Sassy visits Pat whenever she is out. Pat even comes out in the cold to see Sassy. Today, Pat's son was visiting from Tucson, so the three of us watched Sassy scour the yard for treats. She found a roast bone and settled down for a long session. Pat was pleased to have her son there and Sassy enjoying the bone.

That reminded me of the 50th reunion of the Moline High School class of 1966. We took Sassy along and had two goals - we would see Toby McGriff in the nursing home, first of all, and Guy Johnson when he had time.

Toby's nursing home welcomed dogs, and Sassy soaked up the love from everyone. In fact, so many wheelchairs gathered around Sassy that all traffic stopped and we had to break up the traffic jam.

At Toby's room we could see he was in bad shape. Our memories went back to junior high band, starting with John Deere and ending with MHS. The same people come together for band, even for summer marching band practice, so we had years to compare band directors, baton twirlers, and band trips. Toby loved seeing Sassy. The Moline High 66ers went to Augustana in a large group, so Christina felt very much at home with the Moliners at Augie and the overlapping friendships. It was very hard to leave Toby - we all felt the sadness, no time for chipper denials. Toby passed on to eternal life not long after.

 Toby and I had stories way back in time.

Our other goal was to see Guy Johnson, whom we met at Lago's for the 45th. Our friendship went back to Garfield Grade School (now a condo) and comic books. I bought all the Classics Illustrated, even ordering them from the publisher, and gathered DC comics by the pound.

We sat outside and below the motel, near the river, visiting with Guy. He brought his dog who came over to me for petting and compliments. Sassy felt left out and tried some sharing, only to be growled away. She stood back, hurt, for a time - until Guy fussed over her. Then both dogs beamed as we all talked.

 Guy Johnson - outside of Lagomarcino's. His group asked for suggestions for their reunion. The '66 imperial reunion committee considered suggestions lèse-majesté.

Sassy - The Expert in Adult Education

 Norma Boeckler took this photo at the dog park. Sassy gave me a special kiss on the cheek whenever I said, "Let's see the dog park."

Dogs were certainly created to be companions, and Sassy Sue is the epitome of man's best friend. She could have been shy, which is typical of Cattle Dogs, but she looks for friends everywhere. She is protective, smart, and easily trained - like German Shepherds - but also reverses roles and trains us.

When I tell people she is very special, they often respond with "My dog is very special too." I ask, "Does your dog have a blog?" That leaves them stammering.

I teach adult education most of the year, and I find Sassy a natural in her abilities to train others, especially me. Most dogs fall into natural habits, such as how they respond to certain activities, orders, food, and fun.

Sassy is unpredictably volatile. One night she will wiggle up to us on the bed for affection before going to sleep. That can include falling sideways into me and giving me kisses while being petted. But she can also turn her back to us and whimper about being neglected. Then we repeat the yanking drama.
"Come here for some love, Sassy."
Bark, bark.
"If you don't come here, I will have to yank you."
I touch Sassy and pretend to pull her 1/2 inch. Her eyes bulge.
"OK. Move! Move!"
She gets up and moves toward us one inch.
"Oh come on now, Sassy. You can do better than that."
She gets up close and collects on petting, compliments, laughter, and scritches. Animals are bad in spelling and grammar, so scritches are scratches on her forehead, chin, and ears.

This morning Patricia came out to see us at 7 AM. She loves to see us, and her yard is where Sassy looks for treats. When we leave, Pat is supposed to get some love. Sassy will be affectionate one day and indifferent another. This morning Sassy kissed both of Pat's hands and stayed for a third round of kisses, smiling shyly. We laughed at her change of heart. The last time, a few days ago, Sassy refused to show any response.

If we have guests, Sassy jumps into their bed and checks them over before letting them sleep. She has learned not to force herself on people, but she never forgets a friend. Anyone who loves Sassy can expect a morning hello, too.

Sassy's ears and eyes are very expressive, and she watches our expressions closely. The paw in the air is designed to make me laugh, because that is her mock sign of distress, to get attention. It could be used on the nearby metal shelf, but simply waving it in the air - at an angle - is enough to signal a priority request. Yes, I know dogs and pets lift a paw for "moar" - "moar food, moar pets." But this pawing of the air came out of her discovery that scratching the antique table - and then the replacement shelf - would get a fake reaction of horror. That startled and scared her at first, but when she realized I was having fun, it became her little signal with a mischievous smile.

Sometimes the evening quiet is disturbed by her broken-hearted barks. "What's wrong with Sassy?" Christina asks.

"Her staff has disappointed her. She is not angry, just disappointed. Did I forget something?" I ask as if I know nothing.

"Frosty Paws?" Sassy's eyes light up and her ears seem to grow in size and receptivity. Her reactions are varied:

1. More broken-hearted barking, because we forgot.
2. Expressions of delight and fun. 
3. Melting over the corner of the bed and looking toward the kitchen with great sadness and longing.

She is willing to go to sleep after one teaspoon of ice cream, but it is never truly bedtime for her until she gets that tidbit.

 Sassy is always ready for a ride somewhere.

Sassy, Gardening, and Ranger Bob

I wanted to write an email about coffee, but gmail went down hard on Sunday and has not returned.

We have an interesting connection, between Sassy, Ranger Bob, coffee, and gardening. Sassy loves to hear the knock on the door, followed by scratching that tells her Ranger Bob is there.

Sassy greets friends by barking loudly at them, and Bob gets a long, loud greeting. He usually walks in saying, "How about some of that great, fancy coffee!" I make some pour-over coffee in the kitchen, grinding the beans, using private label water (Sam's Club), and pouring the hot water over the grounds. A 20 ounce bottle is perfect for two mugs.

During the brief wait, Sassy always demands some Pupperoni from Bob. This friendship is great because she loves to stay with him when we have special events. Although he calls himself a cat person, 100%, he is devoted to Sassy. He has a 16 x 20 portrait of her from Penney's.

Bob enjoys telling stories from his impoverished childhood and his days in the Army. He was a tank driver but also learned to fly and repair smaller aircraft. We discovered a mutual fascination with battleships of WWII, so I found some great books used from Alibris.

He was a landscaper in Texas, so we have our battles about his highly toxic career and the way I garden without man-made chemicals.

 Bee balm is a mint attractive to humming birds, butterflies, and bees.

The rose garden is truly three-dimensional now. The tallest plants are:

1. Joe Pye - 20, after 3 years of planting
2. Mountain Mint - 2 plantations
3. Spirea bushes - 17
4. Bee Balm - countless
5. Clethra - 2 from a few years ago
6. Cat Mint - 2 plantations
7. Hostas - many purchased, many given by the Gardeners
8. Fever Few - two tall ones with hundreds of flowers, plus several new ones just starting to grow

 The most scented plant of all - Clethra.
Long after the flowers are gone, cinnamon fills the air.

They are taller than the roses, but not overwhelming. A gimlet eye will note that the serene seven+ list consists of delights for the pollinators, aka bees, butterflies, beneficial bugs, and hummingbirds.

They are the servants of the roses, the queen of all plants in the garden. No other plant is so ugly at first, so willing to shed the blood of the gardener, so prized in bloom.

The serene seven+ are the base for beneficial insects and the hyperactive hummingbird. Whenever people suggest a hummingbird feeder to me, I respond, "I do not buy them - I grow them." Hummingbirds love the plants listed, the hosta especially.

Soon the Shasta daisies will bloom and attract that one fly, the Tachinid, that lays waste to the aphids on roses. No, I do not kill aphids. I prize them. They are food for the beneficial bug babies. The parents lay their eggs on, near, or in pests so their infants have fresh food to grow on. The parents enjoy pollen and nectar, so a balanced garden develops both generations by leaving pests to be food for the little ones, plus plenty of food for the adults, who will do their duty when called upon.

The scientists will not admit this, but Creation Gardening is simply a matter of letting God's engineering and management prevail over man's foolish destruction of life. If we call the sprayer to fill the yard with a pesticide bomb, all the insects will die, but the bad ones will return quickly. Mr. Gardener learned that.

The beneficial insects and birds will swoop in and decimate a crop of pests. I saw that when cottony maple scale landed on our maple tree in Midland. Soon the entire tree was covered with lady bugs, who love scale insects.

Another benefit of the pollinator plan, besides helping the roses, is to enjoy the Garden of Eden effect on wildlife. When I work on plants, rabbits walks casually by me. Cats hang around for Cat Mint and potential meals. Sassy prowls the garden to friend the cats and check out the wild animal scents. Birds are all over garden and above.

When the butterfly plants (Joe Pye and Clethra) start blooming, the butterflies appear. I have tried for more milkweed but that has not worked out. However, some butterfly weed (a cousin) is growing well.

I have always enjoyed watching bees work over Cat Mint. Some is growing near the front porch.

 Cat mint is delightful to bees.

Sassy's Limo Has Been Sold

I often had Sassy wait for me in the driver's seat, which made her look like my chauffeur to amused observers.

Someone needed a car, and we were at the point where repairs would be a burden. Ranger Bob did all he could in fixing things up.

It was a fun day, because three people came - the lady who would buy it and two relatives who loved cars. They favor Lincoln Town Cars and our 1994 model is the Executive, often used to make stretch limos. We called it the limo, but Bob named it "The Aircraft Carrier."

The men took it out for a drive, which included Interstate 49. They loved the car, especially when they saw the Chilton Repair Manual inside - a gift for them. They knew what to do, which was a relief for me. Rock Auto Parts and do-it-yourself makes an older car a bargain.

Our only major repair in 10 years was the AC unit. Other than that, we had batteries, tires, the usual repairs. An insurance check from a hailstorm (minor little pings on the surface) gave us the money for some life-extending repairs. I wanted two more years out of the car and got four more.

 Sassy was the star of the dog park when we were both younger.

Sassy had the key seat for ordering at McDonalds, since only the back window on that side worked. I had to shout out her window, and she poked her nose close to the speaker. I would order my sandwich, then Chris', then after "anything else?" - a vanilla ice cream cone. Sassy would bark her happy bark, which begins with a piercing, overjoyed yelp.

Next, paying for the food meant a lively conversation with the cashier, often joined by two staffers laughing and saying hello to her. Sassy often let go with a series of barks.

The food window got her the biggest smiles. The cone was handed to me like a gold medal. We began sharing cones in Phoenix, when she was 10 years younger. There she tapped my shoulder if I did not hand over her part soon enough. In the Lincoln, she raked the back of the leather seat to make noise.

Changing Personality? Better Than Ever!

 Sassy's missing leg, amputated because of a horse kicking her, is the result of neglect from long ago. We adopted her because we could see her personality on the website featuring rescues.

Someone wrote a story about dogs changing their personalities as they grow older. Yes, they lose their puppiness, but Sassy seems to have more of those appealing qualities than ever before.

For example, she enjoys her little pranks. I was watching the news when she decided to put her claw on my stomach. She communicates with her paws a lot. This time she slowly dragged her claw on my skin. I yelped and she laughed. She does not just grin, but really laughs at the fun. My wife Chris said, "And you laughed." Yes, of course, but I am blamed for encouraging her. That was a one-time trick.

 Sassy tolerates her Voyager but loves the Town Car limo.

She returned to getting my attention with strange noises. I look up and wonder if something is malfunctioning. I looked up twice before I noticed it was the claw plucking at the metal shelf.

Some other claw tricks are:

1. Batting my leg lightly, which calls for something I should do.
2. Making the touch a little stronger each time.
3. Dragging her claw across my kneecap with some force.
4. Triple-dragging her claw, looking fiercely at me.
5. I often ignore that at first and say, "Watch Sassy." I know - it is my fault for encouraging her.

Once she has established friendship with someone on the block, she sits down on the sidewalk, in their way, until they pet her and talk to her about how sweet she is. I said to one, "You made her day." She said, "She made my day." If they are brother and sister, both have to pet her and compliment her.

One couple demands "love" from Sassy before we go. They cup a hand and Sassy pushes her soft muzzle into it, licking the hand. At that point she backs away and barks sharply. "Do you have something to do?" Bark! Bark! "Do you have an appointment?" Bark! Bark! Bark!!

Sassy is friends with a lot of dogs who bark at her and play tag a bit through the fence. She loves to get three pit bulls barking at her, so she only needs to be nearby to hear them on alert. She loves to walk "innocently" near their wooden fence to start a ruckus. She watches me because I discourage it. That is just as much fun for her as seeing her favorite huskies and shepherds. She has overdone this at times, so she acts like it is just another stroll in someone's  front yard.

Sassy walked into view to be in this photo. Our granddaughter went over backwards and held the pose, laughing and unhurt. Sassy upstaging her made it even funnier.

Sassy Sue Is the Three-Legged Charmer

 Sassy is completely in love with the four Esses, each daughter's name beginning with S. Each one has fussed over Sassy, and she loves it. Scared of her? - they own pit bulls.

I promised two readers they would hear from their CyberPet again soon: Sassy the Wonder Dog. Recently, Sassy saw her friends getting out of the van. She ran over and sat down in front of the youngest, grinning. That means, "You will pet me and talk to me." Sophie obliged, as the brother and sister did when walking to school. Sassy simply blocked the sidewalk by sitting in front of them, knowing they would stop and pet her.

Three legs? She was the star of the dog park. The other dogs were jealous of the magic orange ball that made everyone applaud her.

Yesterday, we passed Pat and John's home on our walk. John called from his door, "Sassy...." His wife came to share the love, too. Sassy is expected to kiss their hands each time, and she does.

On the way back we saw the morning coffee couple. She is known for putting her car in park, jumping out to see Sassy. We see them every morning in warm weather. Next the painter stopped his car on the street and talked to us. One day, his children and nephew brought us five paint cans (five gallon, empty and clean) for gardening.

If Ranger Bob is around, there is a big round of yelping, barking, and moaning. She adores him and his brother Mike. Bob calls her ChowHound, and adds, "I love that dawg. I am not a dawg person but I love that dawg. Whenever you get tired of her..." We gave him a large print of her smiling face. He loves it.

When Bob knocks on the door, he asks, "Got any of that good coffee left?" I make a pot of pour-over coffee while we talk about battleships, fixing cars, and dealing with taxes. I work on his taxes and get beautiful used books about the Navy for $1 used. One was in demand so it was more, so that was his chosen Christmas present. Paperwork flummoxes him the way car repairs stymie me, so we specialize. Sassy begins by barking and carrying on with him, demanding treats, and finally lying down to listen to him talk. If we watch car repair videos in our spare room, she lies down to listen.

 Sassy wore the Maroons' M for the river walk, which added up to two people and a dog. Our reunions are less organized than a London soccer riot.

We have taken Sassy to several Moline reunions. We are the luckiest people in the world to have her, but people thank us for rescuing her. She has routines and games that manage us, whether we think about it or not. Yesterday, she put her paw in the air, pretending to claw the table. Of course, she fixed her eyes on me. She looks like a student in the classroom when she does that, except she often adds her devilish smile. She knows I will laugh and respond. Then she grins at my reaction.

 When MHS 66 ladies and Christina had lunch at a Moline reunion, Sassy and I provided a security perimeter. Notice how she is barking her happiness. If she could not bark her joyfulness, she would explode.

Sassy generates happiness wherever she goes - post office, meat market, walks, trips. If I happen to pass through McDonalds without her, they ask about Sassy, who gets a little ice cream each time.

The Frosty Paws routine each night is elaborate:

1. Restless murmuring, sometimes hurt looks.
2. "Is Sassy looking for something?"
3. "Maybe, Frosty Paws?"
4. Her responses vary from slapping the blanket with a grin to sorrowful barks about being forgotten.
5. "Love first, then Frosty Paws."
6. She stays in place.
7. "Come on up here. Do I have to YANK you?"
8. She feigns terror and clutches the mattress.
9. I reach out and tug her a bit. Eyes widen.
10. Then I clap. "Move. Move. Or no treat."
11. She gets up and moves two inches, collapsing down.
12. "Are you kidding me? Move up!"
13. She moves up just enough to be petted, grinning.
14. After hearing how much everyone loves her, she gets one teaspoon of vanilla ice cream.

 The drive through tellers loved her so much, they gave her extra treats for barking loudly into the mike. That woke up everyone inside. The branch moved away - too much overhead?